Tag Archives: Humour

One of Those little dilemmas

This morning as I walked up the road towards work, I noticed a lady ahead of me who I know by sight, as someone who heads the same way each day. She walks slower than I, so I quickly caught up with her. She was wearing a mid calf length, floral summer dress, of rather limp fabric. It had a split up the centre back.

You’ve guessed haven’t you? The split was not the discreet vent to knee that allows for movement. Nope, it was a full on unravelled seam that went right up to her btm. Still behind her I thought quickly, was this how it was meant to be? no way, did she know and if so was she unconcerned, surely not? She is middle aged and how shall I put it? a substantial lady.

What to do, what to do? I’ve never spoken to her before, but if the tables were turned I’d hope someone would point it out to me, there was no-one else around.  I reached her side.

‘Excuse me, I hope you don’t mind me saying, but I think the seam of your dress has come apart at the back.’

‘Oh, how far up? ‘she asked, reaching around to feel for herself.

‘Sorry’, I said ‘If it was me I’d rather know!’

‘Yes, okay uh thanks uh It will just have to do for today’ she replied.

I wanted the pavement to swallow me up. I KNOW she lives somewhere around the corner from me, no more than five minutes walk, but she had no intention of turning back to deal with it. I scurried ahead. Five minutes later I looked back and she was indeed continuing on her way to work, wherever that is.

Now, the dress she was wearing was so flimsy, that the slightest waft of breeze would have lifted it, and there is no way on God’s earth that she could lean her body more than an inch, without showing everyone what she had for breakfast. I’m still cringing twelve hours later and I think I will every time I see her again.

Was I wrong to tell her? surely not, at least it gave her the option of popping back home to sort it. I’m mystified, what do you think, would you have said anything or left her to it?

100 Word Challenge for Grown Ups Week# 130

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Julia says,

I’m going to change the mood somewhat this week. It has been the Easter week-end and although it was not about chocolate, it has become a sweet-fest! So, the prompt is:

… but it has nuts in…

Of course I’m going to be rebellious so . . .

Walk for your treats

SX65378745 head south west, cross the clapper bridge on the North Teign River, a mile to the kissing gate. Follow the path west to a dry stone wall and then three stones from the top, eight from the triangular one you’ll find a map shoved in.

You’ll see that you must retrace your steps to the horizontal tree, the ground is boggy, take your boots off and wade through, then the hairy cows won’t follow you. See a standing stone that’s fallen? Put your hand in the mud and feel around. Got it? That’s your treasure box.

‘But it has nuts in it.’

‘Uh?’

Join in at http://jfb57.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week130/

 

 

Falling for A Quiz!

And finding it surprisingly accurate. Except for the fact that I’m too lazy. I wonder how many of you have a half written novel – or ten, stashed somewhere. I have, maybe one day I’ll finish it, but that will mean focussing in tightly. Trouble is I love life and I’ve got my finger in too many pies. What’s your excuse?
Perhaps it would spur you on if you tried the quiz, It’s here, http://www.playbuzz.com/morganf10/what-genre-of-fiction-should-you-write and this is the answer I got.4100b600-69b9-4037-844e-1b76c5cfa92d

I’d love to know your result, please share!

100Word Challenge for Grown Ups Week#118

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Julia has been to a conference this week and took advantage of the opportunity to talk about the childrens version of 100WC which is a huge success in schools around the world. She is always on the look out for people to visit and comment on the children’s writing so if you have a little spare time go and talk to her. The conference inspired her prompt this week,  it was just a sea of faces.

Here is my tongue in cheek attempt.

Calories

 I took a bow with the rest of the troop, one – two – three and the music started. It’d been a long time since I last performed that routine, I was desperate to keep up, one step wrong and we would have ground to a halt. I stopped looking at the audience, it was only a four-four beat, but I had to concentrate to get my feet right.

It was just a sea of faces, but I recognised Nina, Lori, Rossi, Louisa, even Dido and Daisy – goodness knows how they snuck in!

My Wii friends had come to cheer Wii Mii on, ahh twenty calories burnt! DSC_0988

To join in visit http://jfb57.wordpress.com/2014/01/20/100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week118/

Lucid Gypsy is having a frustrating time

I don’t often swear but tonight . . . the air was blue. This week at work has been horrid, the third in a row and I’m fed up with being treated badly.
Last night I was supposed to be going out with friends, my turn to drive. I set off in heavy rain, to pick up friend number one about three miles away, but pretty soon turned back because I was aquaplaning, and the fifteen mile drive to friend number two would have involved three miles of winding, potholed, single track lane with high hedges, ditches on the sides and pitch darkness. Result, beans on toast and an early night instead of a nice pub dinner and a good belly laugh.
So today I arrive home from work with the beginnings of a bug that’s going around the office – people bring their germs to work these days to share, because if you go sick you have to face a ‘return to work interview’. If you are sick too often you get monitored and then sent to occupational health. Luckily, in the three plus years I’ve been there I’ve only clocked up two sick days.
I thought I’d sit with a cup of tea; check my email and WordPress reader to shake off the stress.
Of course the broadband didn’t work! I checked the connections, nothing happened. I reset the router, nothing happened. I turned it all off and back on again, nothing happened. I thought perhaps the same bad weather that stopped play last night may be causing the problem so l left it, cooked dinner, watched some TV and then tried again. And again, then I started swearing.
Eventually I called the broadband provider, was in a queue for twenty five minutes, and then I got cut off. I dialled again and after eighteen minutes I finally spoke to a girly that had me jumping through hoops, giving her an endless stream of passwords, mother’s maiden name and the date of birth of the cocker spaniel that belonged to my second cousin when she was five.
Next I had to unplug, re-plug, unscrew parts of sockets and rummage through drawers to find spare white plastic thingy’s that came with the original package four years ago. None of it worked and she told me she would have to get an engineer to call back and asked what time on Saturday would be best. Saturday, that’s not tomorrow, I squealed, how on earth could I manage until then? I could tell that she felt sorry for me but there was nothing she could do so I said goodbye with the thought that perhaps the time had come to check out some other providers.
While watching TV I had the company of a certain Border Terrorist, Dido, curled up beside me demanding that I gave her a tummy rub and giving me a look of disgust every time I paused for a second. This same fur baby has a wicker toy box below the shelf with the router. She gets frustrated when she can’t find her favourite toy of the day and chews on whatever she can find instead.

It wasn't me!

Have you guessed yet?
It’s laugh or cry time!

Meeting Myself Coming Back

In my post earlier, photos in sepia tints for Cee’s Challenge, I mentioned being busy and that my grandmother used to say I would meet myself coming back. Seonaid from http://breathofgreenair.wordpress.com/ asked what I might say to myself if I did!
It’s an interesting thought isn’t it?
My snap reaction was ‘Oh no not you again’ but then I thought on.
‘Stop chasing your tail’
or maybe ‘Smell the roses’
‘We each have an alloted number of heartbeats, don’t waste them’
‘You spread yourself too thin’
‘But there’s so much world’
‘Neep Neep!’
‘Have we met?’
‘Sloooww dooown’,’Where’s the fire’,’Tell me a story’,’Is it ready yet?’
So how to stop the relentless chase of life in our high tech world? Are you the same? are you always overloaded? Maybe you don’t see it as a problem, maybe I don’t. It’s just the way it is, I’m a Gemini, quicksilver. I want to experience as many things as I can in this lifetime with all of my senses. To meet and listen to as many people as possible, to have them share their stories, to touch people in some small way.
So tell me, are you the same? If so what would you say to yourself? If you can, maybe you could share with our community.
Seonaid, I suspect you’re far too mindful to rush around as much as I do!8

Slowly, slowly!